During a break from my shift, several female colleagues were chatting, discussing many issues related to marriage these days. They were all around 30 years old, and they all shared their reflections on marital relationships. Whether they were the traditional, devoted wife type, the demanding and willful type, or a combination of both, none could truly satisfy their husbands.
In my eyes, Yun was the kind of wife every man would desire. She was capable and efficient, handling all household chores with remarkable skill, treating her husband like royalty, expecting him to do everything for her. Her children were bright, lively, healthy, and well-mannered. Both sets of parents were also very filial, and they lived in harmony. She wouldn't spend money on clothes for herself, but she never hesitated to buy fashionable outfits for her husband. She was devoted to him, constantly talking about him. She herself was healthy, rarely needing her husband's care throughout the year. Logically, her husband should have been very happy, but he actually said to her, "You're not like a woman!" It's truly baffling. In his eyes, what kind of woman qualifies as a woman?
Kun is a strong yet gentle woman. She is kind, generous, and always has a smile on her face, giving people a refreshing feeling. Her husband is busy with work and can't take care of the family. She manages the household chores, takes care of the elderly and children, and does everything from grocery shopping and cooking to washing dishes. She's often so busy she barely has time to breathe, yet she always smiles and never complains. She is beautiful, speaks softly and steadily, and has an undeniable shyness in her smile. This strong woman, capable in both the public and domestic spheres, carries an unspeakable pain: her husband is having an affair, and it's a widely known and scandalous affair.
If we're talking about capricious and willful women, then I'm the one. I don't buy groceries, cook, or wash dishes at home; I just clean and do laundry. When I'm unhappy, I stop talking and eating, and my tears flow endlessly. When I'm happy, I cling to my husband, never leaving his side. He often says I have ADHD, that I can't keep him quiet. Whenever he's home, I constantly boss him around, asking him to do this and that. If I tell him I want braised fish for lunch, he'll pout and act like he's suffered a terrible injustice if it's not on the dinner table. My health isn't good either; I'm always in pain, and he's gotten used to it. I myself think that a woman like me easily exhausts her husband, so when he told me he wouldn't marry someone like me in his next life, but someone who could wait on him, I felt guilty.
Is it true that the woman in a man's arms is always the one who gives him a headache? Is it always true that food from someone else's pot always tastes better than food from your own bowl? Love is fading, novelty is turning into familiarity, and signs of discord are appearing. What should we do?
Marrying a virtuous and loving wife means enduring her nagging, because the trivialities of daily life put pressure on her. Who else can she confide her little thoughts to if not you, her closest person? If you're not wealthy, you also have to tolerate her haggard appearance, because she's busy taking care of you and the children every day; she has no energy or time to groom herself. Those romantic little gestures, like changing into a sexy outfit, exuding a subtle perfume, and giving you a dreamy look—it's not that she doesn't understand them, but she simply doesn't have the time to cultivate them. She'll have already prepared the clothes for the adults and children for tomorrow, and she'll still be thinking about tomorrow's breakfast while lying in bed. She dedicates herself wholeheartedly to this family, yet you don't appreciate it, complaining about her rough hands, the premature wrinkles around her eyes, her unfashionable hairstyle, and her clothes that never please you… Ask yourself, wouldn't you like a woman like that? Could you tolerate a spoiled and capricious one instead?
Marrying a strong yet gentle woman means enduring her stubbornness, because she can do anything without you, so she cares about her own feelings. You also have to cater to her little temper tantrums, because although she's strong, she's also a woman made of water; she needs care. You also have to pay attention to her expressions, because sometimes she doesn't want to fully express her intentions; you have to observe carefully. Do you know why she's pouting? It's because she burned her hand and you didn't comfort her. Do you know why she's not talking? It's because she prepared your favorite food, but you only ate a tiny bit. Do you know why she turns her back to you? It's because she bought a new nightgown and you didn't give her feedback… You'll be happy with a woman like this because she has all the basic qualities a woman should have—what more could you want?
Marrying a capricious and willful woman will bring you endless torment, constantly going back and forth between joy and sorrow. After marriage, you'll definitely feel that "love is an absurd fate, holding onto contradictory lovers." Her temper is so changeable that keeping up with her pace will be difficult. Her emotional instability is so obvious that it often leaves you dizzy. When she's in a bad mood, you should be understanding and try to cheer her up. When she's happy, you should reciprocate, otherwise she'll feel you don't care about her feelings. She's always domineering, always getting to choose the best food and fun activities first. She always places a great deal of dependence on you, making her a "sweet" burden you can't neglect... But when she smiles, she's always so captivating, infecting you with her joy. When she cries, her tears fall like raindrops, touching the softest chord in your heart. She's as innocent and kind as a child, always imagining the best in others, unaware of the harshness of human nature. If your hand is cut, she'll be so distressed she won't even dare to look. She'll surround you, praising you and encouraging you. In public, she'll always hold your hand; she's afraid of being alone and always needs your warmth... Would you marry such a woman or keep your distance?
If you marry a virtuous and loving wife, you'll want someone who can be charming and affectionate; if you marry a capricious and willful woman, you'll want someone who is reasonable and understanding; if you marry a woman who is both strong and gentle, you'll want someone with a strong personality… How is that possible, unless monogamy is abolished?
Before marriage, a man's eyes always see a woman's beautiful side, only to discover the flaws behind that beauty after marriage. And, day after day, those flaws gradually obscure the beauty. The husband is still the same husband, but his eyes are no longer the same. He gradually becomes reluctant to come home early, and even when he does, he doesn't want to talk much. At this point, if the woman becomes inappropriately nagging, how can annoyance not arise?
In fact, women have souls made of water, needing warm care. If the care we deserve always comes at a price, then we should place less hope in it; placing hope in others is a painful thing. Instead of agonizing over why he's so cold towards you, choose something enjoyable for yourself—like reading, exercising, or taking care of your appearance. When you observe his behavior with a detached perspective, no longer questioning his intentions, and instead of waiting for him to take you out as a favor, and instead of asking him what hairstyle or clothes suit you, dress according to your own personality… doing these things might make him sense your independence and charm. He might become anxious and suspicious when your phone keeps ringing, and start to take you seriously.
The modern world of relationships is complex and rife with temptations. Every individual possesses unique charm. If men and women lack principles and recklessly dabble in love, causing their partners heartache and their families scarred, it's a sign of moral deficiency. I don't want to talk about responsibility anymore, because it exhausts both men and women. If our home still holds happiness, let's work together to create a warm harbor and not linger elsewhere. Because every love story eventually fades, why strive so relentlessly?
If you'll regret marrying anyone, then cherish the one in front of you. Since you've chosen the one you love, then love your choice wholeheartedly!
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